#life of a school teacher amiright

[madamemozart]

This one goes out to the elementary school kids I work with who do dumb things and then go all Pikachu face when they get caught and reprimanded for their actions, lmao

[star-lights-up]

I'm having thoughts again (it's a very dangerous thing, thinking is): Cherik matilda au, with Jean as matilda. Honestly, it'd probably be a jean-centric fic, background cherik, because i mean miss honey doesn't have a love interest in the original lol. (Oh, right, Charles = miss honey. Erik also kind of = miss honey. they're sharing the role.)

ALSO i'm basing this on the book and the original movie, not the musical and musical movies. I love all incarnations of matilda but I am too tired to work in the whole premonition story thing.

So Jean is just chilling. She's like two years old and already she can cook and clean and pretty much be self sufficient. Her parents are self-absorbed assholes who don't really pay her any mind, and her brother is a little shit who's older than her and never home anyways.

She goes to the library, and she reads. She expands her horizons. She learns. She develops a yearning to see the world outside of her lonely little life -- she may be self-sufficient, but it doesn't mean she doesn't want any friends.

Now, when she's six, she tells her parents that she really should've started school already, and her dad makes a deal with this terrifying man to send her off to Hellfire Elementary (sounds like a great place for kids, amiright?)

There she meets Ororo, who's funny and nice, and then there's Logan, this older kid who's absolutely TERRIFYING (at least he thinks he is, jean's calling his bs). He warns them about the headmaster -- Shaw. The truly terrifying one.

Shaw in this isn't really the kevin bacon shaw. He's like if shaw lost his fucking marbles and became a really buff lunatic. He throws a girl wearing her hair in pigtails over the fence. It's insane.

Then Jean goes to her class. The first years have two teachers -- Mr. Lehnsherr and Mr. Xavier, who tells them just to call him Charles as long as Shaw's not around.

The classroom is kind of amazing. They've got art by students hanging everywhere and cute little posters and vases of wildflowers, the doors opened to the school grounds and filtering in the last of the warm summer air. To Jean, it feels magical. She's finally at school. She finally feels like she's going to get to be in the world. She chats with Ororo and some kid named Scott before the bell rings.

(Now for teaching duo cherik! I'm thinking for them, this is an established relationship fic. )

They've both been hurt by shaw (more on that later) to the point where they've become more muted versions of their personalities.

Charles is kind, as he always is, but in this he's very soft-spoken and stuff. Even as he smiles warmly at the kids, checking on the girl with the pigtails, Jean notices this deep sadness in his eyes.

And then there's Erik. He's quiet, very matter-of-fact when he does speak up, methodical. He's very gentle with all of the children, though, and Jean sees him tracking Charles with his eyes, as though he's sure something awful will happen to him as soon as he lets him out of his sight. Again, his eyes hold some deep sadness, some hidden pain.

As the lessons begin, they're shocked by Jean. Her reading, her writing. Her incredible math abilities.

( found this cute little line from the original book, and i wanted to adapt it (very erik-core):

"It's not fair," Ororo says, "How can she do it and we can't?"

"Don't worry, Ororo, you'll soon catch up," Mr. Lehnsherr says, lying through his teeth. )

After class is over, Charles wants to talk to Shaw, try and get Jean in a more advanced grade. Erik doesn't want him to go. They go together, and Shaw pretty much yells at them and threatens them until they leave.

They decide to think of another way to go -- they can't have jean just sitting in class, learning how to spell r-a-t when she's read shakespeare already.

Back at home, for another week or so, Jean's life continues much the same as it always does. Her parents: the assholes. Then her father takes her and her brother into work one day, telling his son he needs to learn the family trade. Jean's just there.

He shows them all sorts of illegal things he does to the cars before he sells them -- sawdust in the engine, running the miles backwards until the car seems barely used. It's not legal. Worse, it's not safe.

Jean speaks out and gets yelled at.

So she finds some superglue and glues his stupid hat to his head the next day. And so starts her rebellion.

Charles and Erik decide that perhaps it's best to speak to Jean's parents directly. Cue creepy CGI cherik from the last stand. No, no, I'm kidding. They just show up there, try to talk to the greys, who really aren't having it, and before they leave Erik sneaks a book behind a coat rack, Jean smiling at him from where she's hidden on the stairwell, having listened to the whole thing.

Jean plays another prank on her parents for treating her teachers so bad (blabbermouth parrot in the chimney. Mrs. Grey is convinced they've got a ghost).

Meanwhile, at school, Charles and Mr. Lehnsherr give her all these workbooks with more difficult math and language and science, apologizing that they can't instruct her directly or get her into a more advanced class but promising to help if she has any questions (she doesn't).

Anyways. Then we get to the interesting part.

It's been a while, and Jean's seen the horrors of Shaw. He made a boy eat a whole cake in front of the school. he throws kids out windows. And there's this terrible thing called the chokey.

Shaw comes into their classroom to teach his monthly class -- Charles and Mr. Lehnsherr quickly hiding all the art and decorations in the room.

Ororo sneaks a newt into shaw's water. Pandemonium breaks out. Shaw starts targeting poor scott, of all people, who's not capable of breaking a rule.

Something in Jean snaps. And the glass tips over, sending the newt right onto shaw and shaw right out of their classroom.

After class, she explains it to Charles and Mr. Lehnsherr. She shows them what she can do. With just a little bit of anger, she can push the glass over.

The two teachers glance at each other (after being quite shocked, of course), then Charles asks if she'd like to have tea, and talk about this more, if her parents wouldn't mind.

Jean knows that they most certainly don't care where she is, and agrees.

Charles and Mr. Lehnsherr bring her to a small cottage, surrounded by wildflowers. The walls are whitewashed. There are two little windows. Charles spreads cheap margarine on the toast. Mr. Lehnsherr pulls two chipped mugs out -- there doesn't appear to be a third. The kitchen is just a shelf, really, with a little portable stove.

Charles asks Jean if she'd be willing to get them some water from the well out back. She has a wonderful time doing so, never having drawn from a well before.

She and Charles have tea and toast, sitting on the crates that are the only furniture in the whole of the tiny cottage. Mr. Lehnsherr sits cross-legged on the floor, leaning against Charles's crate a little and not eating or drinking anything.

Jean, as a small child -- because, yes, no matter how smart and independent she is, she's still a small child -- asks a few questions that might be a little too personal, inquiring about just how poor their salaries are to live like this.

"Why shouldn't you ask?" Charles says, after Jean apologizes. "You were bound to ask in the end. You are much to bright to not have wondered. Perhaps... Perhaps we even wanted you to ask."

Erik nods his head, saying his solemn voice, "You're our first visitor, after all."

Quietly, a little sadly, Charles begins to tell Jean a story. He once lived in a large brick house in town. His mother passed when he was born, and his father was absent until he died, leaving him in the care of an uncle. The uncle brought with him a ward, Erik.

The uncle was an unkind man. He forced them to work around the clock, doing the household chores and the cooking and anything else he could think of, like they were servants and not young children. He would beat them if they disobeyed -- and even when they didn't.

They managed to go to the teacher's college about forty minutes away when they both turned eighteen. They could've gone to university -- but the evil man wouldn't allow it.

"How did you get away?" Jean asks, equally riveted and in deep sympathy for her kind teachers.

They tell a story of being forced to sign away their salaries to the uncle, since apparently they "owed him thousands" for being just barely fed and clothed for ten years. With the little that they got to keep, it seemed they would never get a place of their own...

But Mr. Lehnsherr, on his early morning walks, stumbled into a small, empty cottage. He went to find out who owned it, and the farmer, after insisting he didn't want to live there, agreed to rent it out for ten pence a month.

Charles and Mr. Lehnsherr (who, at a point, sighed and told Jean just to call him Erik since they're not at school) quietly packed their things, informed the evil man that they'd rented a house, and rushed out the door.

While Jean is happy for their triumph, she's aghast of the idea of the evil man still living in Charles's old home. He says that his father's will was apparently destroyed ("no prizes for guessing who," Jean says, and Erik huffs a laugh) and his uncle produced a piece of paper saying the house was to go to him -- Charles is sure it was counterfeit, but there's nothing he can do.

"He still owns my family property a town over, too," Erik says quietly. "Won in much the same fashion." His hands are balled into fists, his face mournful and angry. He doesn't elaborate, and Jean and Charles are smart enough not to push.

Jean asks who the evil man is.

With a glance at his partner, Charles says the name "Shaw."

After the initial shock, the conversation changes, and Jean eventually excuses herself to go home. Charles and Erik apologize for keeping her so late, walking her to the end of the dirt road and back to the sidewalk.

Before they part, Jean asks a few questions: what did Charles's father call him before he passed? Charlie. He hated it. What did charles and Erik's parents call Shaw? Sebastian. His first name. And what did he call their parents? Brian, Charles answers. ...Edie, Erik whispers after a moment of hesitation.

Jean practices her new gift at home. It's not long until she can lift things at whim, pointing at them or staring at them or just thinking of it. She plots. She plans. She practices what's needed for her plots and her plans.

The next time Shaw comes into their classroom, he's startled by the whiteboard chalk floating into the air, beginning to write a message:

Sebastian, give my Charlie back his house. Give him and Erik their wages. Give Erik his land. Then get out of here. If you don't, we will get you. We will get you like you got us. We are watching you, Sebastian.

There is a great commotion as Shaw passes out on the floor in shock. He's carted out of the school. He leaves the brick house within a day. Reportedly, Brian Xavier's will turns up. Charles and Erik move into the great house. Charles is appointed headmaster of the newly christened "Big Friendly School." (Note: this is taken from the source material. I don't think charles would name something after himself in this au tbh). Jean is a welcome visitor anytime.

Then, one day, arriving back from the brick house in the evening, she finds her parents packing up the car. They're moving to spain, they say. Her father has been caught, which they don't say, but is clear.

Jean runs all the way back to Charles and Erik's house. Jean begs them to let her stay -- she doesn't want to leave, and she certainly doesn't want to be trapped with her parents forever in a foreign country.

Charles and Erik come with her back to her house. She takes some adoption papers out, which, funnily enough, she's had since she was tall enough to use the copier at the library! Boss move, Jean.

her parents don't fucking care, so they sign the papers. Charles and Erik are pretty much about to cry. They're parents, now, something they never thought they could be. They hug Jean, something her own parents never did, and don't bother to watch them leave.

Now, they all live in the big brick house together, and it's a house full of reading and laughter and life, all three of them, daughter and her fathers, finding a kind of happiness they never thought they'd be able to have.

and that's it. Why did I spend two hours writing this. 😂

[dspdick]

hello everyone. i hope you have some snacks on you because i have yet another thing to rant about. fortunately it isn’t about the bunch of idiots i have the misfortune of calling classmates, instead it’s the cursed place where i chose to continue my education. let’s yell about university.

for starters, i would like to point out that this is an expensive university. like. 900€/month expensive. i get to pay almost half of it because i have a discount due to my high school grades, but you have to keep it up during your stay in college and once it’s taken away you can’t ask for it again.

given the exorbitant price every single of its students is paying, you would think that my class would be in a decent building. wrong. we’re in a prefabricated shitty three-story building in the other side of campus from our labs. because medicine students have their own simulation clinics and the business students get a bajillion brick buildings but fuck the genetics kids amiright?

speaking of labs. the installations are cool and all but the materials need a serious upgrade. I CANT DO A PROPER GEL ELECTROPHORESIS IF THE MICROPIPETTE DOES THE EQUIVALENT OF A DRIVING NEWBIE WITH A MANUAL CAR. also the ph-meters are the bane of my existence and me the bane of theirs.

also. the lab practices are four hours long. which wouldn’t be too bad if they didn’t make us start them at three or four pm when we’ve been in classes from eight or ten am. yes i spend close to twelve hours on campus on lab weeks yes they also pretend that we have time to study.

BY THE WAY. OH MY GOD. studying. i know it’s necessary. but i have EIGHT SUBJECTS THIS SEMESTER. EIGHT. students in other universities have less subjects per year. one of them is a lab subject and we have a fuckin. oral and practical exam. ITS A LAB SUBJECT?? WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THE PROCEDURES AND WHY EVERYTHING IS DONE PLUS DO A NiCE LaB nOTeBoOk. SUCK MY DICK.

that and the fact that i not only have science subjects but also philosophy, communication and fucking BUSINESS. yes they’re useful but i frankly haven’t seen a subject with a worse organization than my philosophy class. and on top of that my business teacher just keeps sending projects and questions. maam your class is worth three credits. be grateful i do an effort to get out of bed and spend two and a half bitchass hours to listen to you yap about ip and business life cycles at eight thirty in the morning on a friday.

and now that i mention this, i still can’t believe we’ll have to do 50 mandatory hours of volunteer work next year. yay for volunteer work, i’ve done before and it’s amazing. but you can’t expect someone who spends 10+ hours in college regularly to do the same amount of time as people who only have 3 to 4 hours of class per day.

the worst part of all is the fact that our degree supervisor just expects us to act like phd students or some shit. she literally told to the class presidents that “we can’t expect to have compromises and extracurriculars outside of university. we have to focus on our college life”. this is our first year. i don’t even want to think about how we’ll be treated from now on.

and i guess this is why im so scared. i like genetics. love it, even, when applied to things i enjoy and not a clinical environment. but i want to live my life and be able to truly rest and enjoy and not want to kill myself constantly over the amount of workload that we have to deal with.

i don’t know if i’m going to drop out or keep going but all my options are bleak. either i continue and somehow survive college enough time to get my degree without having killed myself, or i drop out. and from there i have more options. a) immediately switching to a different college and/or undergrad, b) taking an off year and changing my undergrad.

i don’t even know what i’m going to do. i’m exhausted on all the levels a human can be tired and i have no idea if i have it in me to keep going or just take the easy out.

[foreverydinger]

Sammy's Swynwrimo: Everyone’s a Critic

Tony's Goodreads Re:Secondary School Reading List

1. The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger

★ ★ ★ ★ I actually really liked this book. Points off for Holding being fcking annoying but whatever. I don't even really mind rereading this.

2. The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas by John Boyne

★ ★ ★ Would be better if it was a true story and not fiction. Sick of reading it but understand why all the teachers assign it. Mid.

3. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ This is genuinely one of my favourite books. I would reread this in my spare time. Always good!

4. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

★ Boring. I don't think I've ever actually finished this one. Just never worth it.

5. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ “Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.” “Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it.” “There is something at work in my soul, which I do not understand.” I mean COME ON! The best book ever written!

6. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ Oscar Wilde died thinking no one would ever love his books and that being gay was a crime punishable by death. This book is so poignant and strong. We're all damned, truly.

7. Romeo & Juliet by William Shakespeare

★ Can we STOP TEACHING THIS FUCKING PLAY?!!?!? I WANT TO GET OFF THIS RIDE!!!!!!

8. 1984 by George Orwell

★ Boring. Not how 1984 went down. (I'm kidding but the book does fucking suck)

9. Lord of the Flies by William Golding

★ ★ If only, amiright??? No but like it's fine. Not good. Just fine.

10. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

★ 1984 but What If Happy & Horny instead of What If Sad/Scared & Horny.

[psiwhirl]

ugh usually if i'm sad or upset i can go to bed and wake up good to go but i'm still super sad and upset and it just feels so shitty...

[kateanthnys]

Dumb Dramione arguments and rebuttals because it’s about time we talked about it.

This is taken from @/hermione.s_butterbeer on Instagram and @hermiones-butterbeer over here on tumblr, who constructed the basis for this, I added my own thoughts with theirs. I haven’t learned how to put things under a cut yet so if you’re not interested in this and have to scroll past it I’m sorry :/

Hermione would forgive Draco

Hermione is not a forgiving person. She holds the toughest grudges. She will attack you with birds and stop talking to you for months for getting a girlfriend, she will keep you in a jar for writing incriminating shit about her, she will scar the hell out of you for betraying her. Let’s say she grew out of this in her adult years, it’s not a stretch right, she seems to regard malfoy with contempt in the epilogue? Barely a glance, but then again she never really gave him the time of day as a teenager either so who knows? Even then, as an adult, Draco doesn’t need her forgiveness. Hell he probably doesn’t even want it. Couldn’t care less about her. Nor does he even deserve it from her or any of the golden trio. He surely wouldn’t get it from me but I digress. He bullied her for years and was very openly and vehemently against people of her kind. And again, even if she did somehow forgive him, they would definitely not fall in love.

Hermione would change Draco

It’s definitely not her job to “change” Draco, he is a grown man, not a baby in diapers. Nor is it her job to fix a man that bullied and harassed her for years simply for having muggle blood. Anyway, didn’t Astoria already have that covered? She was a pure blood who changed her views about muggleborns. It was probably much easier for Draco to connect with her, someone who understands him on a level Hermione never would be able to, than the ones he hurt most.

If they were together they would break stereotypes

This one is the biggest laugh of them all. Not only are there multiple couples throughout the Harry Potter universe that breaks the stereotypes and normalcy of the wizarding world, these couples didn’t have to suffer each other’s company like Draco and Hermione would. Because to break them they’d have to have love, which was nil in their case. What’s the point If they don’t even like each other. Draco probably could’ve broken some stereotypes himself by not being a blood purist but once again I digress.

Ron didn’t deserve Hermione followed up by a Draco would’ve appreciated her yk the usual shit that don’t make sense

Love isn’t about who deserves who. Who is more deserving than who. How does one even come to the conclusion about who is more deserving than someone else? Money? Power? Blood status? Who cares about those things, Hermione sure doesn’t. Love is about love, and most important of all, choices. She fell in love, made a choice, acted on it and by god she never regretted it or looked back. And you won’t find any textual evidence saying otherwise (fck u Joanne). And if she did I doubt Draco would even factor into one of her choices.

Draco never made her cry, Ron did

Yes, Ron did. Multiple times. Taking away the fact that Hermione is an emotional person, is it really the end of the world if you once in a while make the person you love cry? Ron was her friend, a friend she had feelings for, she cared about him and his opinions, of course she’s gonna cry when shit hits the fan. Draco is another person on the street walking past her, she doesn’t dignify anything he does or says about her with a response. Now talk shit about Hagrid and get smacked tho. Anyway, my family has made me cry more than any random person or people at school have. Does that make them the worst possible people on the planet? Does that mean these random people love me more than my family? No, it does not.

Ron was dumb, Draco was her intellectual equal

This is one of the ones that’s probably fanmade. News flash fanon Draco isn’t canon. There’s no textual evidence to support that he was close in class with her or matches her wit. When Lucius made that comment in CoS, it didn’t mean Draco was RIGHT under Hermione. You can assume everyone was beneath her in marks, doesn’t make him second best. Oh but the vanishing cabinet, the one he had help with. But the mead and the necklace, once again not his ideas. But Legilimency. Yea he learned to blocked his mind. But Hermione didn’t? And we still know she’s the smartest in her year, certainly smarter than Draco? So really does it matter? Guess not. And on Ron’s intelligence. Books and academics aren’t the only forms of smarts either. If anything books will only take you so far, especially in the wizarding world. Back to Draco, who started failing potions as soon as Snape was gone. Favoritism? Not a stretch at all.

Hermione was worried about him and he warned her about the death eaters

Yea, but no? If you read the text with context you’d know she was worried about Hagrid’s job in 3rd year, fourth year, she was right, a teacher doing that to a student was dumb and he could’ve been harmed, and they could’ve lost another DADA teacher before the school year was even over, this is Hermione being logical, Not being caring. And when Ron made the “amazing bouncing ferret” comment, she laughed. Pretty broken up about it isn’t she?Caring is her reaction that same year to Neville and the cruciatus curse. 6th year, do I even have to explain this one? She was NOT DEFENDING HIM. She was being skeptical and reasonable, there’s a difference. She and Ron had every right to be iffy on the death eater thing, they were already proven wrong in 2nd year when they jumped to conclusions about Malfoy, they didn’t want a repeat of that. And the warning thing, my god, if you think that’s a warning, you need to work on how to identify a warning, it might help you later in life.

Jkr said she wanted to make them canon and date in third year and that Draco bullying her was hiding his crush

Source? And don’t say tumblr. Anyway atp what the author says doesn’t matter to most fans so your fighting a losing argument if you use this.

My last thoughts on this is that you will see that most of these points are about Draco. Well that’s because Dramione seems to be all about Draco. What Draco wants, what Draco needs, Draco’s forgiveness, Draco’s redemption. A relationship is a two-way street of equals, give and take, not Hermione giving and Draco taking. What exactly does Hermione get out of a relationship with Draco? Oh, an Intellectual equal, good to know she’ll have him to recite the periodic table to each other at bed time after she’s worked herself to death at work because thats what she wants and needs. Well, at least she’ll have her books to keep her warm. Every girl’s dream amiright. *sarcasm*

The End.

[jjkyaoi]

this is quite long (1100 words or so) and i wanted to write more than this 😔😔

so you know those like, stories of pta parents nshit??? imagine that but with sbi yeah trust me on this trUST ME-

and so in this au i guess, puffy is school therapist and sam is like a teacher.

puffy and sam are like, mega best friends that have known eachother since highschool or sumn yeah??

anyways, tommy has been getting into fights and arguments with his classmates for whatever reason, and the staff have called dadza to come to meetings and shit but its always tommys oldest brother wilbur (im not projecting being the oldest siblling in my family and being forced to mature quicker wdym-)

sam, being tommys favorite teacher ofc, decides "mmm, yeah hes mine now," and we get some nice dad!sam bc its waht tommy and us deserve.

but tommy is still getting into these fights so they send him to the school therapist and she takes one look at this scrawny, scuffed up kid, with holes in his shirt and dirt on his pants and ALSO decides "thats my son now,"

of course sam and puffy find out that tommy doesnt have the best home life but "its okay, he doesnt hit us so its not abuse :)" and theyre like "mmMMMmn no tommy thats still abuse sorta" bc having a father that doesnt pay attention to any of his kids is abuse im pretty sure. and they decide together that theyre gonna try to get the rights of tommy, or something to ATLEAST bee a semi-gaurdigan bc they love him now and thats their son >:(

and somehow they manage it, they get shared gaurdianship over tommy with dadza. i dont know how bc i am but a humble person in need of dad!sam and momma!puffy

BUT they do, and now whenever tommy gets into fights, its one of them (or both) that comes to the meeting. the other staff dont question it bc they know how intimidating sam and puffy are about their "children" (its mainly just kids that they pick up and are like "ur my child now" but nO ONE HAS TO KNOW THAT)

sam and puffy both start asking about these fights and how they can helpn all, partly bc its their job but mainly bc they love him as their own. n slowly but surely they help tommy not get into fights. most of the time its the other student who starts it bc they know that tommy is easliy angered but there are times when tommy starts it (mainly for good reason tho and they just dont have the heart to punish him, just softly scorn)

one day tho, tommy gets into a fight,and the staff start the whole dance of calling dadza, him not picking up and just letting puffy or sam go in place.

EXCEPT he pickes up this time, and it desolves into fucking CHAOS in the office. like, the whole office knows that tommy is sam and puffys kid and so they gather around this one front desk worker who is the unfortunate soul who has to talk to him and are like "is that him??? im gonna wring his neck when i see him" cuz the office has seen tommy in there one too many times with a black or bloody nose or both.

and so they tell him that his son has been in a fight and they need him to come to a meeting for it, and dadzas like "yeah sure, what do i need to be there?" and they tell him, but they realize they have a problem on their hands, bc philza NEVER fucking picks up - and by never, u mean this is probably the first time they heard his voice-and bc philzanever picksuo they usually just tell puffy or sam that they have a meeting wayyy before they call philza bc the outcome is always the sam.

so they call up both sam and puffy with major reluctance bc they have a feeling they know whatll happen. n theyre like "hey, uh, so you dont need to attent that meeting for tommy today. his dad is coming in-" "oh, HELL NO, that fucker is NOT going in place of us. expect to see me AND sam at the meeting today" sam is very similar except with more swears which is a tab bit surprising but whatever yknow?

and so the meeting rolls around and tommy is sitting inbetween sam and puffy but notices theres another chair to the right of sam and fucking dadza walks in, and tommy feels his heart stop he feels puffy holding his left hand and tryring to get him to take deep breaths but his anxiety is so overwhelming and he hasnt seen his dad in almost 3 months and whyisheherewhyishehere-

so tommy is having, like a silent anxiety attack as we all do. and sam i scowling at philza and hes like borderline growling and baring his teeth at him lol

philza takes a seat next to sam with reluctance and tries to look around him to see tommy but sams like "nuh uh, fucker. leave my son alone." and philzas like " 'my son?!' " before the meeting starts

(also the other family who tommy got into a fight with is all watching this go down bc theyre highkey confused bc "sam and puffy arent tommyy parents???" bc this is definitely not the first time tommy has punched their kid)

during the meeting tommy comes down off his high of his anxiety attack and is really exhausted, and whenever hes asked a question he whispers it puffy and she says it for him. philza doesnt get a word in and before he knows it the meeting is over.

as they stand up, he tries to get tommy to come with him to go home but sam is faster than him and he goes "hey tommy! lets go and do some crosswords in my classroom yeah?" and tommy is for it, one bc he loves doing crosswords and itll help him calm down a bit more, and two he does n o t want to speak to philza.

n they leave and philza is left with puffy and the other staff member who are minding their fucking business bc heaven knows they dont want to cross puffy whens she in a rage. and they all expect like an outburst of anger and yelling, and them having to pull her away so she doesnt murder him where he stands but no, its not that at all.

philza turns to puffy to say something but he stops dead in his tracks when he sees the way shes looking at him, theres an inferno of rage building up inside her, but she just goes,"he's not your son." and leaves.

*holds this gently* thank you for the,,,.. thank you for the food i’m. i’m soft now. :( anyway haha fuck c!phil he can go suck a cows ass amiright!!!! :DD

[slashingdisneypasta]

Hello! Can I request a headcanon where the queen of hearts (1951), Maleficent, Cruella, Shang yu and Yzma (separated) take care of a lost (orphaned) little girl (like 5-6) and adopted her as their own. Thank!

These were sooooo fun to think of, omg XD I feel all warm inside, thanks for the request! I hope you like it as much as I do ^^

~~~

Cruella DeVille (You can imagine either animated, OUAT or live action Cruella, but I liked this gif ^^):

·         Cruella, is more of a… fun, rich aunt. You know, when you can post the child back to its parents any time you like with a sugar high and new Xbox?

·         But, as the capable entrepreneur and businesswoman that she is, she rises to the challenge of ‘parenting’, when the stinky orphaned girl living on the streets (You, obviously) show potential in the fashion industry.

·         She takes you right to the adoption agency, picks you up and plops you on the counter like a pair of shoes and asks how much you cost. You just smile sweetly, like the most adorable munchkin ever despite the off way your new caregiver handles you, and the agent has some reservations, of course, but Cruella’s able to speed up the adoption process with her connections and her money.

·         Your relationship at first is similar to Oswald Cobblepot and Martin’s. And if you haven’t watched Gotham, I’ll explain; Sort of distant, but the adult is trying at least. They’re just not used to having a pre-teen around. And, somehow, they’re making the child feel more understood and taken care of then anyone else ever has, despite both parties’ reservations.

·         Slowly you bond (Over fashion, obviously) and Cruella turns into, honestly, a pretty good mum (For a villain who wants to kidnap puppies from her friend and make a coat for herself out of them, anyway). She learns to not gag when your shows are on the telly, she takes more time off work to take care of you and turn up to your school things (Like parent-teacher interviews, concerts, art exhibitions, and assemblies if you’re going to get an award- she even makes artful collages out of your work on the fridge), and you two even learn how to cook some easy dinners together.

·         (Cruella can cook, I think, but I can imagine they’re more fancy stuff that a kid really isn’t interested in)

·         You’re a two-person team kind of family.

·         She doesn’t like you to be around Jasper and Horace because their stupidity and lack of fashion sense could be contagious.

·         For the longest time, you just call her Cruella… until one day she says she loves you (Which is visibly difficult for her. Not because the words aren’t true, but because she’s not sentimental) and you finally call her ‘Mum’.

Maleficent:

·         You start following her around, lost and having decide the scary green lady with a cute bird pet is the one to go to for help. She tries to scare you off, but of course you’re already scared anyway! But not of her- of being left alone.

·         So you keep following her through the forest, until you reach her castle and Diablo has become attached to you and is sitting on your shoulder instead of hers, nuzzling your little face.

·         She leaves out some food for you for dinner and lays a clean blanket down on an abandoned bed in a random room down a dark hallway. It’s a spooky night, in that creepy castle… but the blanket smells like grass and you find that if you close your eyes and smoosh your face into it, you don’t think about the things that could be hidden in the dark. Also, Diablo comes in and keeps you company.

·         Mal is sure that you’ll be gone the next day. That’s why she was so kind. She was sure you were just a determined straggler and if she offered you a home for a night, then you would be the fickle little child that you are leave without so much as a thank you the next day.

·         But you don’t leave.

·         And you do say thank you, and even make her a mud pie outside the castle.

·         She gives you a bit of a smile (Not soft, because Mal is still an evil fairy, but it’s a refreshing look on a face that had been pinched the whole time), resigning to you. You’re all alone like her. Maybe it won’t hurt so much to let you stay.

·         Okay, as a parent, Mal isn’t so bad. She settles into the pace easier than Cruella or Yzma, at least, and her lifestyle allows for a far stabler childhood for you then Shan Yu’s. Plus, she’s outwardly very calm, which is a huge improvement from if you were living under the Red Queens roof.

·         Distracts you with magic when she’s busy or just when she wants to watch the awe in your face as you watch sparkles dance around the room like real life stars.

·         Keeps you away from all her villainy- you don’t need to be messed up in all that. Basically no one except her crow knows you exist and she’d like to keep it that way.

Shan Yu:

·         Shan Yu finds you after he pillages your village (And you’re the only survivor) and you followed along behind his men for a while until they noticed you. Which didn’t take long, of course, they’re a group of highly skilled Huns in the ways of hunting and warfare.

·         He uses his noggin (A very good noggin. Much cleverness) and identifies the favourable factors to having a little girl with them. You’re unassuming, for one, and can be trained (And moulded) to be used as a diversion for them in the kind of situations in which brute force do not apply and wouldn’t be helpful.

·         He also acknowledges the need to train the next generation into their image to continue the Huns control over China even after he passes away. So, off on the quest to take over China you go, with them.

·         He is so big, that you can perch on his wide shoulder and he’ll be fine still marching along.

·         He gets a bit soft when interacting with you. At least, he certainly doesn’t treat you like an adult because you of course aren’t one. He encourages your childish wonder and your playing around. He’ll even play eye spy with you as you travel, or play a little tug of war if you get a piece of fabric or rope (Yes, like a puppy) and he’s just sitting down chilling somewhere on a rest break or at camp, pretending that the game is actually a contest until he smirks and tugs just a tiny bit harder and you fall forward onto your face XD (He only uses one hand the entire time)

·         He’s a really chill dad, really, despite the whole… killing everyone in your village… First impressions, amiright? XD

·         The rest of his men either hate you with every fibre of their huge beings or love you even more, and that’s the tea. One of them once rolled you up in a blanket and strapped you to a horse so you would stop annoying them by running around in front of the mules. You decide whether this was one who hated you or loved you. (Another came along and put a roll of bread in your mouth so you could eat, but didn’t release you)

·         You’ve also been tied (Safely and comfortably, yes but still tied with your feet off the ground) to a tree as a time out and dropped in lakes (Once they knew you could swim) to calm your shit when you got hyper.

·         You sleep in Shan Yu’s tent until you’re like 14 and declares that you’re able to defend yourself and can kill a man, so he can keep you safe.

Queen of Hearts:

·         Goodness, who let this woman adopt? (Well, I mean, no-one could stop her) Even Hades would be better, and he tried to have a baby assassinated.

·         This woman would be unintentionally manipulative towards this child (Like Norma and Norman Bates. Jesus christ). Whenever the kid doesn’t do anything that she wants them to, she’ll get p i s s e d, and that might legitimately mess with the kids psyche. She won’t behead the lil girl, of course, which I guess is bit of a saving grace (she isn’t that cruel) here? But it’s definitely a good thing the gentle King of Hearts is around, to settle the flames and calm down his wife and new daughter when games go awry.

·         (And ya’ll play lots of games. Some of the time, living with her and her husband as your parental figures is a dream for a little girl like you)

·         She does try her very hardest to be kind and not to lose her temper, and it is made so much easier by the fact that you’re an innocent little girl (Younger than Alice was), and she’s very fond of you. So, in a way, adopting you is helping her with her issues, and by extension, helping the rest of Wonderland.

·         You get a big fancy throne-like highchair at the royal dinner table.

·         Your little family is a bit or very messy, but you are never not loved. You always know that you’re loved.

Yzma:

·         When Yzma takes you in, its because Kronk discovered your little form sleeping in an alleyway and ran with you in his hands back to her, and BEGGED her. This sweetheart (Kronk, not Yzma) could not handle the knowledge that a little baby girl was abandoned and all alone on the streets. And Yzma’s the most well-off, influential person he knows! Of course he’s going to go to her for help.

·         When she finally gives in, its because you called her pretty. She’s just like… pause… “Seems like an intelligent enough… eugh… child... Kronk come! We have to disinfect it.”

·         Kronk rushes after Yzma, still holding you and clarifies for you: “She means a bath.”

·         So, now, you have your protective, psycho, affection-challenged mother and your sweet, dumb, beloved… uncle. Yeah, uncle. We’ll go with uncle.

·         Yzma takes a while to get used to you, and she’s very defiant against getting called ‘Mum’ or ‘Mother’ (Mama or Mummy have a more youthful feel, according to Yzma.), but she’s pretty immature due to her psychosis so she tends to blend well with your child personality.

·         You laugh so much, with her. Most of the things she says are hilarious, especially when she’s exasperated and mutters about Kronk.

·         She doesn’t want you to grow up without a brain like him (Or to mix with other children- she will not be dealing with chicken pox or nits. If you did get either of those things, she would be living in a full-on hazmat suit and spray everything you touch, and you. Kronk would end up getting the sickness because he gives you lots of hugs and takes care of you while you’re sick or you have the nits) so she gets you a home school teacher.

·         On your birthday (They do the day Kronk found you if you don’t know it), Kronk wakes Yzma up at the buttcrack of dawn drags her along to set up the day for you. Including a treasure hunt, where its clear that Yzma wrote the clues because its very translucent through the sentences she wrote that she didn’t have coffee before writing them. Very bitter.

·         She does want to make you happy though and buys you literally the best present for a child of that time. I don’t know what it is, but it’s the equivalent for them of a little car or coloured TV (Like the Barbie or Hot Wheel ones) for us. She’s so smug about it, too, like ‘Shove that up your 4 layer cake with different flavours, Kronk.’.

[livefromtheelephantsfoot]

I am one month into college and I want to tell those of you struggling with high school that it's going to be okay. Those four years were the worst of my life and I was worried college would be harder, more stressful, that I wouldn't be smart enough or driven enough and would end up dropping out.

I can't speak for all college students-- hell, I can't even speak for my future self. But I can say that right here, right now, I am... happy? I don't even know what that word means anymore, but I have friends and like my classes and don't feel sad and empty all the time.

My whole life, I just wanted to get to this point. 1. Get good grades 2. Get into a good school 3. Get scholarships 4. ??? 5. Profit. I've never been ambitious beyond what I had to be, and I was scared that without that motivation, which was really a fear of debt and poverty and unfulfilled needs, I would lose the will to try.

But I didn't. I am relearning what it means to do things because I like them. To study because I want to know things. I don't see the financial aid I got as a ticket to success but the freedom to fail. If I graduate with a "useless" degree and work minimum wage it will be ok because I know how to scrimp and save, and I know how to scratch my creative itch without it taking up most of my income.

My situation is unique to myself, but if I divide myself by my identities I can perhaps give limited advice.

To LGBTQIA teens: if the people around you are cruel, I am sorry and I want you to know that this is not normal. There will come a time and place where you will expect decency from people.

To ADHD teens: school is hell, amiright? Here's the thing: a subject you enjoy taught by a teacher who cares is the most incredible thing in the world. If you're not an academic you'll find this experience in skills classes and trade learning, but if you are an academic I cannot recommend college highly enough. Even if high school was godawful and you never want to see a textbook again, just try a community college class that looks cool. Once school becomes fun, there is no turning back. (Also, I'd bet good money that a large portion of college professors are ND.)

To Jewish teens: not a lot of specific advice to offer, but oh boy will you meet a lot of other Jewish people at college. If you're worried about antisemitism, there is TONS of info online about campus culture, and even ranking lists for which places are most welcoming (same goes for lgbtq teens!).

To teens with mental illnesses: this one's hard, because experiences and struggles vary a whole lot. But focus on what makes you curious. No matter how swamped you are in apathy or despair or stress, there's gotta be something that makes you want to hang on and see what comes next. Make "fuck around and find out" your new life motto. Can you find something curious in a tv show? A class? A friendship? What do you want to find out badly enough to wait and see?

To otherwise nerdy, isolated, or awkward teens: as you get older, people will be more accommodating. You will have access to new sources of like-minded people. You will have more resources to dive into your interests or work through social problems.

And to every teenager struggling with school, parents, relationships, mental health: the control over your life that comes with independence is incredible. Just wait and see.

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE QUEEN’S GAMBIT

Yes it’s true - the only things I’ve been watching lately are prestige TV shows starring women with bad red wigs. I’ll get back to movies someday!! In the meantime, I finally watched all of this miniseries that has Netflix and the world aflame with love - and I am aflame too....WITH HATRED OF ALL OF THESE WIGS!!! I have so much to discuss with this show, y’all. A friend of mine (who hasn’t watched this show yet) probably said it best when he told me he thought the wigs in this show were supposed to be wigs WITHIN the narrative of the show (and therefore allowed to be bad): “wait I thought this was about a chess spy - that’s supposed to be her real hair? NO” INDEED!!! Let’s take it episode by episode (SPOILERS ABOUND) and DISCUSS.

Episode 1 - Openings

We begin in Paris, 1967. Beth Harmon, chess champion (?) awakens in a bath of ice (?) in the dark of her hotel room, clearly hung over or maybe still drunk. Her red ‘60s flip wig looks like HELL as does she, so...ok I guess this bad wig wurqs...for now. She sits herself down to play CHESS!! This whole show is about chess, obviously, and everyone is just mad about chess now! I am mad, too, because the show does not make chess seem interesting or sexy and I still hate it. 

Anyway, we rewind about 10 (?) years to a young Beth Harmon, who is suddenly orphaned after her mom definitely commits suicide via car accident. Her mom has super short bangs and cries a lot. We see some even further flashbacks to an even younger Beth IN THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS BABY WIG (MORE ON THAT LATER). We learn that her mom is very unhinged, but also probably brilliant, as Beth herself will become later. LET’S HOPE SHE NEVER GETS HER DRIVER’S LICENCE (note: she never does?)

Apparently the mid to late ‘50s were all about very VERY short bangs, and on this non-wigged little girl I guess that is fine.

BUT THEN! She is brought to an orphanage where they burn her old clothes (YES REALLY!) and cut her hair into a bob (the kid’s actual hair so again - ok!) and also give her and all the other girls constant drugs! The 1950s were really wild, amiright? If I have learned anything from movies set at orphanages in the 50s, drug abuse was the main issue (the only movie I’m referring to is obviously The Cider House Rules and the only thing I remember about that movie is that Michael Caine had an ether addiction). Anyway, the sedative drugs make her immediately put her hand on a hot radiator (safety first, orphanage!) 

She also makes friends with an older girl named Jolene (I LOVE THE NAME) who teachers her to save the sedative drugs for nighttime when they can help her sleep. Great advice, Jolene! Also: there is absolutely no way that African American Jolene would be in an integrated orphanage in mid-50s KENTUCKY but this is just the beginning of issues I have with this series......

Moving on! In avoiding the orphanage’s weird insistence on Jesusy choir practice, she discovers the basement realm of janitor Bill Camp, who never actually does any janitorial work (that I could see?) but definitely plays a lot of chess. And thus, her chess obsession begins! This is also helped by those sedatives she takes every night which give her really absurd chess hallucinations on the ceiling. This orphanage has it all!

Essentially, this miniseries is Valley of the Dolls if those characters got addicted to both pills and chess at the age of 9. Beth gets very VERY good at chess and some rando chess guy from the local high school comes and gives Beth a doll (BETH HATES THE DOLL BUT LOVES DOLLS DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE). And she goes to the high school and plays a bunch of terrible high school boys at chess simultaneously and beats them all. Also: the orphanage suddenly gets in trouble for giving sedatives to small children for years and Beth is PISSED. She goes through withdrawal and years for the big ol’ jar o’ pills!!!

AND THEN! During a kind of Jesusy film presentation, Beth sneaks away to the orphanage pharmacy and just goes hog wild on the pills! TRULY: Valley of the Dolls has nothing on this sequence. 

Obviously, Beth is caught pill-handed and she also spills all the pills, breaks a giant glass jar, and then falls onto both of them. SHE IS 9. I THINK I LOVE THIS SHOW.

Episode 2: Exchanges

So after Beth’s completely insane pill odyssey, she is punished by being forbidden to play chess! Fast forward an indeterminate number of years, and we meet a slightly older Beth (now played by the bewigged Anya Taylor-Joy). AND THIS WIG, Y’ALL. WOOF. Completely dried out and bent, it really makes you appreciate the fact that they just cut the younger Beth’s hair. I realize that Anya is going to go through many 50s and 60s hairstyles to come but I really wish they had just done the same and used her real hair because we are about to take a bad wig odyssey that will last throughout this series. Also! I love that Jolene is played by the same actress! How old is too old to be in an orphanage?

Speaking of age! Beth is apparently now 15 but when a super weird couple expresses interest in adopting her, the orphanage director lady lies and says Beth is 13 and everyone just goes with it....FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES. Seriously, this age difference is never ever visited again or challenged. Beth is basically 15-17 for at least 5 years and no one gives a shit. OK? Anyway, Beth is adopted by Marielle friggin Heller (aka director of Can You Ever Forgive Me? and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood) who has a very Mamie Eisenhower wig which is just fine compared to the bent and dry-ass mess on Anya’s head.

It is later revealed that Marielle adopted Beth because her husband is mainly away on business and she needs an older gal pal around to fetch her....sedatives from the magazine store! I wonder if Beth will totally get addicted to them again! I’m no chess player but you can absolutely predict plot devices in this series about two pawns away (is that a chess term? I still don’t know or care!) 

So yes: as predicted Beth absolutely gets addicted to sedatives again (also the specific sedatives she gets addicted to are the exact same ones she was addicted to at the orphanage - WHAT A COINCIDENCE! - and also they are made up sedatives for the purposes of this show only in case we all want to get the same magical chess sedatives and see chess on the ceiling too). ALSO! Beth is still mainly addicted to chess despite the fact that she was permitted from playing it for the last 5-7 years (depending on what version of her age you’re going on?) but still is good at it? Most upsetting: she rips apart her lovely bed canopy in order to see her ceiling chess hallucinations! THE NERVE OF THIS KID!

Also nervy: bitch totally stole chess magazines from the pharmacy when she was also stealing sedatives from her adoptive mom! Kleptomania is Beth’s #3 addiction after chess and pills also comes into play when it is revealed that her new adoptive mom is kinda poor since her husband is away all the time and doesn’t give her enough money so Beth can’t enter those chess tournaments she read about in the magazines she stole. SO she writes to janitor Bill Camp and asks for $5 to enter the chess thing and if she wins she’ll send him $10. THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT PLOT POINT WHICH WILL COME INTO PLAY LATER. So Beth goes to the chess tournament where she meets some not handsome twin dudes and a very handsome other dude named Townes.

Basically all the chess dudes at this tourney suck in the same way? To be fair: if I saw Beth walking up in her ugly orphanage clothes and orphanage cut wig, I would think she sucked at chess too? Oh also - all the girls at her new high school also think her style sucks. I WONDER IF IN COMING EPISODES SHE WILL GAIN MORE STYLE AND CHESS FAME THAN ALL THESE GARBAGE PEOPLE. Spoiler: she does and also beats this dude named Harry and becomes the Kentucky chess champion. Also! Beth’s adoptive dad totally abandons her and Marielle Heller!  I still hate chess but will continue to watch this show because of its haunting wigs and lowgrade feminist vibe.

Episode 3: Doubled Pawns

This episode begins with a flashback to Beth’s shitty birth mother and her shitty banged wig and remember that time I said I was going to talk about the wig on the littlest girl who plays her? WELL HERE WE ARE. Baby Beth has the absolute WORST WIG ON THIS SHOW and given how terrible all the wigs are, that is saying a lot. This wig looks like it was ripped off an American Girl doll which had been mistreated for years and thrown of a jungle gym or something. IT IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST (as is her mom, who makes this poor kid believe she had drowned!!!) 

ANYWAY. We get a new wig in this episode!!! Beth manages to grow out her orphanage bangs and allow her hair to have a 50s wave bob. Do not be fooled by the higher quality of this cut, however - the quality of the WIG continues to very much suck! WHAT IS THIS HAIR PART! No hair underneath! And everything is still a dried out, bent mess! ALSO HER ROOTS ARE A NIGHTMARE. This is also the episode wherein Marielle Heller basically becomes Mama Rose to Beth and really gets into Beth supporting both of them via chess winnings and becomes her chess manager (ACTUAL JOB TITLE). Also Beth gets nicer clothing. Hilariously, Marielle tells Beth’s high school that Beth is just constantly sick so she can skip school to go to chess tournaments even though Beth is straight up on the cover of Life magazine?! I wonder if this will at all come to the attention of the high school - IT DOESN’T! PLOT HOLES BE DAMNED THIS SHOW IS ABOUT CHESS! She does go to high school long enough for the snobby girls who once made fun of her to invite her to the dumbest party ever where they just sit around and ask Beth dumb questions about Chess fame and then all have a sing-along to a song Beth doesn’t know because she has no idea what pop culture is: ONLY CHESS CULTURE. I watched this show with my mom and asked if ‘60s parties were like this and she laughed her head off and said NO. ALSO! Beth’s kleptomania comes into play at this party where she steals a bottle of gin and leaves without saying goodbye to anyone. WHAT A BITCH.

Speaking of bitches, Beth meets a new chess diva in the form of Love Actually’s resident child drum prodigy! He has a character name but whatever: Love Actually is his name and he has longish shaggy (non wigged) hair and dresses like Crocodile Dundee and is loved and feared in the chess community for being such a non-nerd (?) chess player. I asked my mom if anyone dressed like this in the ‘60s and she said “NO! But I guess I didn’t know everyone” WHICH IS A GREAT ANSWER BECAUSE MY MOM DIDN’T RUN IN WEIRD CHESS CIRCLES IN THE ‘60s. We are lead to believe the ‘60s chess community of weirdos consists of the same 5 rotating dudes who are all at the same chess tournaments always and also possible love interests for Beth and she’s better at chess than all of them.

The only weirdo chess dude that Beth cares about is Townes, who you may recall from the last episode in which he was the only attractive chess dude at that first chess tournament Beth went to with borrowed Bill Camp money. Anyway, she runs into him at some chess tournament (LIKE I REMEMBER WHICH ONE PLEASE) in Las Vegas where he is now a chess reporter (ACTUAL 1960s JOB, Y’ALL). He invites Beth back to his hotel boudoir where he takes some non-boudoir pictures of her playing chess and Beth is all aflutter with chess love but SUCK IT BETH, TOWNES IS GAY!!! I have to say that the only believable part of this show is that the only attractive chess dude would be homosexual. It still does not forgive any of the other plot nonsense.

SO! It’s still the big Vegas chess tournament which is super duper important-chess wise (though this show also makes it seem like every chess game IS THE MOST IMPORTANT so who is to say?) Anyway, Beth and her 50s wave wig (even though it is the 60s?) play Love Actually and....they both win? I didn’t know this was a chess pastability but ok? Beth is pissed that she didn’t beat Love Actually, I hope I never have to see him again (SPOILER HE’S IN MANY MORE EPISODES AND HAD I KNOWN THAT MAYBE I WOULD HAVE STOPPED WATCHING NOW BUT I DIDN’T!) 

Episode 4: Middle Game

We are still stuck with this weird ‘50s bob in this episode. IT STILL LOOKS BAD. New developments are: Beth is taking night classes at the local college (even though she is technically still in high school?) in order to learn Russian to better understand people who are more obsessed with chess than she is: Russians. Anyway, he ends up going to the most wild and stereotypical hippie party with a college dude after class and yep - loses her virginity to him. Ok? At least it wasn’t to a chess weirdo? She also stays behind and parties and drinks alone in the hippie apartment because of all her substance addiction and kleptomania. Also! She graduates from high school despite being 2 years too old for high school (a plot point never explained) and missing all that high school for chess tourneys (another plot point never explained!) OH WELL: CHESS! 

Beth and Marielle go to Mexico City for some chess tournament (AGAIN I COULDN’T TELL YOU WHICH ONE). Marielle is excited because she is pen pals (OMG THE 60s Y’ALL) with some Mexican weirdo who I definitely feared would steal all the chess winnings but then ultimately just sucks in the same way the adoptive dad did. Beth also runs into those chess twin weirdos because the chess community is comprised of only 5 dudes as I said. Their hair looks bad but not as bad as her wig. 

Beth doesn’t see much of Mexico City - nor do we unless you count a truly outrageous sequence in which Beth and Marielle go out on their hotel balcony and look into a green screen rendering of Mexico City that would have felt at home in CGI ghostmare, Bohemian Rhapsody. Anyway, Beth and her olde timey 1950s wig which is spending way too much time in the 60s even though she’s supposed to be stylish now, take a lot of chess baths while Marielle drinks a lot because that Mexican pen pal/boyfriend sucks so bad.

So Beth wins enough chess to play Borgov, who we are led to believe is the Russian white whale/Bond villain of the chess community and LOSES! She is pretty pissed about it but not as pissed as...

....coming back to the hotel room to discover Marielle Heller and her luscious Mamie Eisenhower wig DEAD. TWICE AN ORPHAN, Y’ALL. Mexican coroners tell Beth that her mom died of hepatitis (!!!) and Beth somehow implicates low quality tequila in this hepatitis death. I LEGITIMATELY GOOGLED ‘DOES TEQUILA GIVE YOU HEPATITIS’ IMMEDIATELY. I DON’T THINK IT DOES?!?!?! THIS SHOW IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS AND YES I WILL CONTINUE WATCHING IT DESPITE THE TERRIBLE WIGS AND MY HATRED OF CHESS.

Episode 5: Fork

Beth returns to Kentucky IN THE RAIN BECAUSE TV AND MOVIE DEATHS ARE ALWAYS ACCOMPANIED BY RAIN. She is about to be super lonely in the house she know owns (according to a super sketchy international phone call with her adoptive father which will definitely not hold up in court) and then...she gets a call from Harry! WHO THE EFF IS HARRY! Again, luckily, there are only 5 chess guys who need to remember and he is one of them (he is the one she beat for the Kentucky chess whatever in episode 2). She invites him over because she’s lonely!

Harry is definitely the saddest of the weirdo chess dudes because apparently he’s been harboring a secret love of Beth (who at the time of their first meeting was like 13-15 depending on what timeline you’re going on and he was...20? OK GROSS BUT OK). BITCH EVEN GOT HIS WEIRD TEETH FIXED SO HE COULD BE LOVED BY BETH AND HER BENT ASS WIG AND SERIOUSLY NO THANK YOU HARRY. Regardless, Beth lets Harry have sex with her a few times and live rent-free in her house and ultimately Harry gets enough self confidence to leave this effed up living situation since he will never be one of Beth’s obsessions (which are still: chess, pills/alcohol, stealing shit). 

So Beth goes to Ohio for some other chess tournament and reunites with UGH Love Actually. At this point in the show, Beth starts wearing long scarves as headbands and her wig has never looked better because most of it is covered by the scarf. THANK GOD. So Love Actually totally chess hustles Beth for a lot of coin playing speed chess (DEAR GOD WHY HAVE I BEEN FORCED TO LEARN WHAT SPEED CHESS IS) but in the end, she still beats him for the chess title. EFF YOU, Love Actually! May I never see you again! OH SHIT HE JUST INVITED HER TO  NEW YORK TO TRAIN HER FOR THE PARIS CHESS THING DEAR GOD WHY IS THERE SO MUCH LOVE ACTUALLY IN THIS SHOW OK FINE I’LL STILL WATCH IT.

Episode 6 - Adjournment

Ok so Beth and her ok wig that is mainly covered by a scarf go to Love Actually’s apartment in NYC which IS AN UNDERGROUND BUNKER AND SHE HAS TO SLEEP ON A BLOW UP MATTRESS. Again and for the millionth time: Love Actually is the worst! Especially the worst because he introduces her to all these rando bohemians he knows, including some French bitch who will definitely eff everything up when Beth is already teetering on her pill/alcohol obsession and should probably not meet any other enablers. Somehow, he does get her to quit the pills/alcohol long enough to have sex with him (UGH).

And so we are in Paris, 1967. Where we started the show with Beth’s awful 60s flip! AND WE MEET ANOTHER PLOTHOLE. Only a week before this, Beth was in NYC with hair about 3″ shorter and still wearing scarves in her hair. WHAT IN THE VERY HELL, SHOW! I realize that this show has a very vague sense of time or how old Beth is or whatever but truly: NOPE. 

Anyway, it’s the night before the big match against Borgov and Beth is on her very best behavior when who should ring her up but that French bitch Love Actually introduced her to! She is downstairs at the hotel bar and just come down and have one drink and don’t ruin your entire chess career, mmmkay? THIS ENABLING BITCH!!!! NEVER TRUST ANYONE WITH THIS CRYING GAME WIG UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE A CRYING GAME. Of course, Beth goes downstairs, drinks every drink in the bar, has sex with some rando French dude and...wakes up in the icebath we see at the beginning of the show and sweatily plays Borgov in her wig that has never looked frizzier, loses, and is shamed from the entire chess community. Also Love Actually wants Beth to come back to NYC but NO THANK YOU TO YOU AND YOUR BUNKER OF ENABLERS.

Back in Kentucky, Beth....is shown learning how to flip her hair. WAIT WHAT SHE ALREADY HAD A FLIP HAIRSTYLE THE ENTIRE TIME IN PARIS WHAT KIND OF WIG GASLIGHTING ARE YOU PLAYING, SHOW?!?!?!??!?!?!!

UGH anyway, with THE EXACT SAME FLIP WIG AS WE’VE SEEN HER IN, Beth tries to be a responsible young person of indeterminate age who owns a house in Kentucky and not drink or take pills or steal shit. EXCEPT remember that time her adoptive dad said she could just have the house if she paid the mortgage? WELL BITCH SHOWS UP AND J’ACCUSES HER OF STEALING THE HOUSE FROM HIM. Which is hilarious because of all the things she stolen in this show, the house wasn’t one of them. In any case, she buys the house! And takes herself out to dinner! And has a drink! AND UH OH.

At this point the show just goes completely off the rails in addictive nonsense. Beth just goes around the house in her terrible flip wig applying makeup and barfing in to chess trophies. It’s every stereotypical drug/alcohol scene from every biopic ever except this chick doesn’t really exist and this show is wearing on my nerves and Beth has to stop making so many terrible live decisions and this wig has BETTER GET BETTER.

And then magically - Jolene shows up in the most fabulous afro wig!! WHAT! OK I WILL WATCH THE BITTER CONCLUSION OF THIS SERIES BECAUSE I LOVE JOLENE.

Episode 7: End Game

Jolene...Jolene....Jolene. Jolene. I love Jolene. I don’t love that this show uses her by making her be the “magical negro” trope who helps Beth get her life back together. Predictable nonsense! So yes, Jolene looks around Beth’s ramshackle drug den and tells her to get her life back together. AND THEN BETH DOES. No AA or rehab required! WHAT! I really appreciate that Jolene also compares her to Susan Hayward (star of Valley of the Dolls!) which is the sick burn/comparison I needed. 

The other reason Jolene showed up was to bring Beth to janitor Bill Camp’s funeral. At the funeral, which is very poorly attended, Beth reveals THAT SHE NEVER PAID BILL CAMP THAT $5 HE LENT HER (AND $10 SHE PROMISED HIM) AT THE BEGINNING OF HER CHESS CAREER. WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT. It is at this point that I fully decided that I wanted Beth to fail at everything because she is a garbage person who never gave propers to Bill Camp for changing her life for the better. THIS BITCH!! She even goes back to the orphanage where she discovers Bill Camp’s CHESS SHRINE DEVOTED TO HER! SHE FEELS LIKE SHIT AS WELL SHE SHOULD! I FULLY HATE HER!!!!

Jolene is much more forgiving of Beth than me and also introduces Beth to a new obsession: squash! Ok? It does allow Beth to wear a headband which is great wig-wise (in that it hides all the seamwork). Beth also turns down these Jesusy people who want to fund her chess trip to Russia and so Jolene GIVES HER $3,000 TO GO TO RUSSIA. IF THERE IS ANYTHING I’VE LEARNED IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES OF THIS SHOW IT IS THAT BETH WILL NOT PAY THAT MONEY BACK AND JOLENE PLEASE DO NOT!!!!

Jolene does. Beth goes to Russia which is straight out of every Bond movie and gets her shit together and wins a lot of damn chess. 

Though her midweight coat game rivals that of Nicole Kidman in The Undoing, her wig game ALSO RIVALS THAT OF NICOLE KIDMAN IN THE UNDOING IN THAT IT IS ALSO A RED NIGHTMARE WIG. This show spent so much goddamned money on clothes, sets, and CGI greenscreens of Mexico City AND YET NO MONEY FOR WIGS. BOO.

I did enjoy this one chess opponent’s walrus hair but otherwise, Beth’s flip wig has absolutely overstayed its welcome and is a compete and utter bent nightmare. Also! Remember that one hot chess dude? He shows up and helps Beth with Chess!! HUH?

Also every single weirdo in the chess community somehow form a chess calming circle in Love Actually’s bunker apartment and call Beth internationally to help her win against Borgov at chess! WHAT IN THE DAMN HELL? It is sweet I guess, but also makes ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE AS BETH WAS A TOTAL ASSHOLE TO ALL THESE PEOPLE AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE A PART OF THEIR WEIRD CHESS GANG.

Ultimately, Beth beats Borgov and wears THIS FUCKING HAT. I think we’re supposed to believe that she is now the white queen chess piece (I HATE THAT I NOW KNOW CHESS PIECES).

She is actually dressed in head to toe white and somehow convinces her American handler that she will just walk...to the airport? And despite being invited to the Johnson White House (girl go there!) would rather just wander the streets of Russia without any purse or luggage or way of getting home. THIS BITCH. She finds a new chess community of old men who play chess outside at folding tables and decides to join them WITHOUT GOING HOME TO PAY JOLENE ALL HER MONEY BACK WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY WHAT SHE SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT AND ALSO MAYBE SETTING UP A BILL CAMP CHESS FOUNDATION BECAUSE YOU NEVER PAID HIM BACK YOU PIECE OF SHIT. No, she is no longer addicted to pills, alcohol, or stealing but is absolutely addicted to chess on a level that is probably lethal. I spent the last moments of the show demanding that the Russian chess hobos murder her and her immaculate white outfit because BETH IS A SELFISH ASSHOLE AND ALL HER WIGS ARE GARBAGE LIKE HER!!!!

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

[crossiantgay]

This is the pt.2 of the chapter one for the Princess and the Frog au because apparently Tumblr has a post limit. Anywayyyyy-

Roman looked down. 

“Not even if I paid you? Of course, if you could turn me back into a human, I could pay you handsomely” Logan looked to the side, weighing his options. With that money, he could buy the library. He could make it the best library in town, in all of New Orleans! Was it worth a moment of discomfort for all of that? Logan nodded. 

“One kiss and then you get me the money, ok?” Roman nodded. 

“Of course, mi estrella.” Logan leaned closer to the frog. 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Roman smirked as Logan gently placed a kiss on the frog. Roman sighed. “I don’t think it worked.” Roman opened his eyes as he looked to where Logan once stood. 

“...hello?” Roman looked down and saw a pile of clothes. Oh no… 

“Wh-where did all these sheets come from? Why is everything so big?”

“Monsieur-” Roman said carefully.  Logan looked down and saw two green, froggy legs. 

“OH MY GOD WHAT DID YOU DO?!” Roman hopped down from the balcony and stood beside Logan, who was now a frog. 

“I-I have to teach tomorrow- I-I can’t-” Roman cut him off. 

“Wait, teach?” Roman raised an eyebrow. 

“Yes, teach. I’m a teacher at the middle school.”

“So you’re not a real prince?” Roman hopped towards him, worried. 

“No, I’m not a real prince! This is a costume party! Weren’t you confused why people were dressed as lobsters and ponies?” Roman looked down. 

“I didn’t think of that…” 

“You sure didn’t! Now I’m stuck as a frog, great!” 

“Maybe if you kiss me again it will work.” Logan hopped away. 

“No- no. I want nothing to do with you. I will find a way to get turned back on my own.” 

“Well can’t I at least come with you? That way we can both get turned human, together.” Roman caught up to Logan. Logan only sped up. 

“Just leave me alone. You’ve only made things worse for me.” 

“Look, I’m sorry-” 

“Well sorry doesn’t change the fact that I’m not a frog, does it?” Logan snapped at him. Next thing they knew, they were at the edge of the swamp. They could still hear the music from the party blaring. Logan glared at Roman as he hopped towards the swamp. 

“Get away from me” 

“I’m afraid I can’t do that-” 

“I don’t want to talk to you” 

“Why are you still so mad? In case you’re forgetting, I’m also a frog while I’m being impersonated by someone else” 

“Well in case you forgot, you turned me into a frog.” 

“Will you two stop bickering please? You’re the loudest thing in this forest, and in case you’re forgetting, some of us are just waking up.” Roman and Logan both snapped their heads around. 

“Who-who said that?” Logan hopped around searching for the source of the mysterious voice. 

“Save your breath, I’m right here.” A raccoon stumbled out of one of the bushes. Roman let out a high-pitched scream. Logan glared at him. 

“I’m sorry- I just- don’t have a particular fascination with wild animals.” Logan rolled his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know him.” Logan said flatly. Roman scoffed. 

“Rude-” Logan cut him off. 

“I am Logan. This man, er frog, is Roman. He got involved in some magic and got us both turned into frogs. Do you know any place-or person who can turn us back?” Virgil stood on his hind legs and walked towards them. 

“Humans…. Neat. I’ve always wanted to be a human…” He looked down at his paws. 

“But as you can see, I am clearly not one. What is it like, being a human, if I can ask?” 

“Well where to start?-” 

“So let’s not.” Logan rolled his eyes and Roman gave him a look. 

“I’m in a bit of hurry, I’m sure on our way we can tell you some about human life” Virgil nodded and began walking deeper into the swamp. 

“Well? C’mon.” Virgil motioned and Roman and Logan began hopping behind him. 

“Hey Rem, I found some ex-humans. Maybe you can help them or something? I don’t know-” 

“BE RIGHT THERE, GIRLFRIEND” Someone called. Virgil grumbled. 

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT” A firefly buzzed out of the swamp and landed on a branch beside them. 

“Heyyyyyy” Who they assumed was Remy smiled and Virgil lied down and mumbled. 

“I too, am an ex-human. Got vain and stuff. Made a deal with the snake man and blah blah blah” He waved a skinny arm dismissively. Roman hid behind Logan and Logan scooched away from him. 

“OMG I SHIPP” Remy laughed and Roman hopped away.

“Wha- no way- nO. NO! I just- um-” Roman buried his face in the ground. Remy laughed and Logan looked between them, confused. 

“I’ve heard my students use that term before- what does it mean?” Remy just smiled and Virgil groaned. Logan cleared his throat. 

“Um-anyway about our little frog problem-”

Remy sighed.

“I might know someone who can help” Remy looked at Virgil.

“No- we are NOT-” Virgil ran back into the bush. Roman looked at each other, confused.

“Dr.Picani might be able to help. He is a novice at magic, but something is better than nothing. You two can at least give him a visit.” 

“... aren’t you going to come?” Roman asked. 

“Well, I can guide you there, but he hates insects.” Virgil reemerged from the bushes and nodded. 

“I hate him. Well, not him in particular, just the whole magic thing is creepy. For all magic.” Virgil laid down again. Remy hovered over virgil. 

“Why do you hate him??? He’s the sweetest, cutest doctor I’ve ever met. He’s super smart and his eyes- his eyes are the deepest shade of blue I have ever seen. And his cardigan-” Remy sighed and a dark color rose to his cheeks as he realized the others were staring at him. 

“Oh um-what-I uh-I said nothing-” After a short pause, virgil cleared his throat. 

“So- do you really think he can turn people back to humans..?” Logan looked to him with interest and Remy nodded. 

“He can practically do anything with magic. Why do you ask?” Virgil looked to the side. 

“Uhm-I just-didn’t want to go there if he couldn’t- uh-” Logan mouthed an ‘oh’. 

“He wants to know if he can also be turned human.” Remy paused and nodded. 

“I don’t see why not.” Roman hopped toward Virgil and spoke. 

“ You can come with us- if you want-unless you have something to do-”Virgil laughed. 

“Yes, and a raccoon has plenty of things to do in a day.” Roman looked down. 

“Nah, I guess I can come with you all. Why not, amiright?” He shrugged and sat up again. 

“Should we start going or not..?” Roman floated out. 

“Sit down, of course not.” Roman huffed and sat down. 

“You’re no fun, you know?” 

“Well, I think you should listen to me unless you want to die. We’re going to need some food and I don’t think you know the 21 types of poisonous types of mushrooms found in this region by memory? Didn’t think so. I’m the biology teacher here.” Roman rolled his eyes. 

“Ok, teach. What are you gonna do, send me to the principal’s office? I say we should start going and find something along the way.” He hopped away. 

“Go die then.” Logan said flatly. 

“Well it’s better than getting mocked by you.” Logan tapped his foot on the ground impatiently. 

“I will not be responsible for a death in this bayou. Get back here.” He could hear Roman laugh from several feet away. 

“Do you care about me now all of a sudden?” Roman came into view as he hopped near them again. 

“No, I’m just protecting my asset.” Roman raised his eyebrows and laughed. 

“You’re less mature than most of my students.” Roman smirked. 

“Thank you.” 

“That wasn’t a complime-” He was cut off by Remy.

“So I’m like, kind of confused. Are we staying here tonight or not?”

“Yes.”Logan said quickly before Roman could say anything. 

Aand thats all ive got so far.

@subtlereferencetomyinterests

[sometimesnat]

Character Profile: Roxanne (Ruby) Kingston [The Psych Quartet]

Best Friend • 21 • Taurus • ESTJ • Earth {genius TA//astrology hoe//color red stan//friend turned tutor turned bestie//skilled fighter, pacifist by choice//reporting live from not her business} [Character Tag]

Ruby comes into Neil's life first as a friend, and then as a tutor and mentor. She's a self-proclaimed pacifist and as a student teacher, she works to change the instruction methods at Harmonium to shift the focus away from violence. She's friendly but blunt; Ruby doesn't take shit from anybody, but she's warm and patient with her few close friends. She’s detail-oriented, into astrology, and lover of the color red (hence her nickname). Through Ruby, Neil learns about the nuances of Psych society and the rift between the two categories of Psychs—Bases and Elementals—and she pushes him to use his new life as an opportunity to remedy the status quo.

Ruby. Sweet, amazing Ruby. She’s an incredible friend to Neil from the start, and this is before she even knows his memory’s been stolen!! A queen!! Blunt at times but always with others’ best interest in mind. Way ahead of her peers and on track to becoming another young Harmonium instructor; she’s in her final year of teaching assistance-ship and particularly interested in defensive tactics and Psych theory.

While we don’t find out much about her backstory in the first book of the series, we do know that she’s a pacifist and disapproves of how violent Harmonium’s teaching methods are. A big part of Psych education is sparring against peers, but behind the scenes Ruby is constantly brainstorming less physical ways to educate and teach young Psychs to master their abilities.

She knew Neil’s mother before she passed, and one of the reasons she jumps on the opportunity to tutor Neil is because his mother asked Ruby to look out for him. This is a request from one of the most powerful Psychs of their time, so Ruby takes it seriously. Luckily, it turns out that her and Neil get along really well, and through their tutoring sessions Neil very quickly bonds with her and comes to consider her his closest friend.

“I wasn’t planning on telling you this so soon, but I knew your mom, Neil. The last time we spoke, she asked me to keep an eye out for you when you got here.”

Neil’s cheeks redden.

“Please don’t be mad,” Ruby says. “I was hoping it wouldn’t come up, but I’m no good at keeping secrets. I hope that doesn’t make things weird for you.”

But things are absolutely weird, and while the rainbow of vegetation had distracted Neil from the peach pit that’s infiltrated his stomach, the weight has returned.

She’s a proud Taurus, stan of the color red (her hair, her nails, her clothes, everything is RED), and president of the “septum piercings are cool I don’t care what you think” club. She also loves to gossip, and there are several occasions where she lets something slip that changes things in a pretty major way for Neil. Ruby can’t stand when people refuse to communicate, and sometimes to solution to that is stepping in and doing it for them! She also tends to be pretty stubborn and set in her ways (typical Taurus amiright???), but extremely confident in her mind and her body alike.

Ruby is a lesbian, which is one of the many things that bonds her and Neil. Even in a school full of superhumans, Neil isn’t quite sure how to navigate or express his queer identity, so having her presence and guidance is a huge comfort. When she isn’t in the library with Neil or the rooftop garden with Alex, Ruby can be found baking in the kitchens (with special permission from the headmaster), embroidering sapphic imagery onto her clothing, or staring at the stars and wishing they could tell her everything they’ve seen.

Driven, compassionate, and with a very low tolerance for bullshit, Ruby is just the right person to guide and support Neil through some real rough stuff, y’all!! She’s extremely loyal to the people she loves, and Neil is blown away to so quickly find himself part of that small group. When it comes down to the wire, Ruby is actually an incredibly powerful Earth Psych and will literally move mountains to protect her friends.

“Just because I don’t like to doesn’t mean I can’t,” she says with a condescendingly sweet smile.

Taglist (feel free to ask to be +/-!): @my-liminal-spaces @infinitely-empty-pages @dustylovelyrun @oddsandinks​

[tylergparker]

— && guests may mistake me as ( kaylee bryant ), but really i am ( tyler parker + cis female + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 10/31/97 ). i am applying for the ( waitress ) position as part of the EHP and would like to live in suite ( #215 ). i should be hired because i am ( + playful, ambitious, clever ), but i can also be ( - hot-headed, crass, resentful ) at times. personally, i like to ( paint, collect cute socks, make playlists ) when off the clock, but that won’t interfere with work. thank you for your consideration!

ooc;; when will i not be throwing new kids at y’all amiright? maybe one day i’ll leave y’all alone lmfao. but for now, here is my child, tyler. i hope you like her but if you don’t, that’s chill, too, i can’t make you do things. as we know, i’m not your mom.

{ TW: religious undertones / general religion + emotional abuse + teen pregnancy + mentions of abortion + mentions of depression }

background;;

Tyler Grace Parker was born and raised in a suburb of San Diego, California to Daniel and Janine Parker. Daniel was a pastor at their local church, and Janine was a stay at home mom - though the woman had always desired more for herself; in particular she had goals of being a prima ballerina, but when she had tried for it at a younger age, she didn’t make the cut.

Tyler was raised predominantly Christian, given her father was a pastor and all. It was mostly something that stuck with the family - they went to church as a family unit every Wednesday evening and every Sunday morning as well as taking part in church community events, they prayed before every meal and most nights before bed, Tyler was in youth group for several years while her mom and dad both served in the church in some capacity. It was a big part of her upbringing, but it didn’t stunt her socially - she didn’t try to feed the same beliefs to her friends at school, and outside of home she didn’t talk much about church or what they believed; that was her family’s business.

Something else Tyler was raised with was ballet. She started when she was just four years old, and as a child it was a fun activity for her. She loved ballet because she had other little friends she got to see, recitals were fun for her, it wasn’t anything serious - she got to be pretty and she got to dance; it was simple for a young child. When she hit about 10 years old, though, her mother really started in on the projecting her own squashed dreams of being a ballerina on her daughter. Janine became very intense about putting pressure on Tyler to be the best, to not miss classes, to practice more. She would critique her daughter’s form, have her run the same things over and over in a practice studio, etc. It became something that made Tyler begin to almost resent this thing that she had once loved doing. She spent a handful of years trying to grapple with a love that she had for ballet and how it was slowly but surely being taken away from her.

When she was fifteen years old, early on in her sophomore year of high school, Tyler met Dylan Patterson. He was a year above her in school, but that didn’t change how fast and hard Tyler fell for him. Dylan was in the school’s jazz band, but he also happened to be the son of Tyler’s favorite art teacher, Ms. Patterson. Dylan was the oldest of three siblings, and his mother was a single mom, he picked up a part time fast food job to help his mom out on top of going to school, that Patterson’s weren’t a church-going family, either. Tyler saw nothing but good things in Dylan, she loved the way that he was so good to his family, the way he was creative, the way he could easily make her smile. Her parents, however, were not thrilled about this first boyfriend of hers. Her mom and dad thought that Dylan was a ‘bad influence’ on her, and despite the fact that she didn’t let their disapproval stop her from dating Dylan, things never got better on that front.

In fact, things got worse when at fifteen years old, Tyler found out that she was pregnant. Having sex out of wedlock was already “bad” enough, according to beliefs she had been instructed to follow all her life - beliefs she had distanced herself from little by little as she reached adolescence - but having a baby? Not to mention the fact that she was only sixteen, Dylan only seventeen. Tyler went to her mother, because that felt like what she was supposed to do - she definitely had no idea what else she was supposed to do. Janine, however, did not react as Tyler expected. She wasn’t expecting happiness at all, some tears of distress maybe, but what actually came was nothing the teenage girl had thought up in her head.

Janine wanted for Tyler to get an abortion. For a number of reasons this threw Tyler for a loop. Being pro-life was practically expected in their congregation, for her mom to insist that that was how she needed to handle her pregnancy was more than a small shock. On top of that was the fact that the woman had every intention of having her daughter get the abortion and never even telling her father she was pregnant at all. Confused and a little in shock for a few different reasons, an emotional Tyler argued with her mother against going through with that plan. The argument hit a boiling point that ended up Tyler leaving and staying at Dylan’s house for a couple of weeks.

Despite how young they were, Dylan reassured Tyler that things would be okay, that they could do anything as long as they were together. He very nearly convinced an exceptionally conflicted and concerned Tyler to keep the baby and be a family, the three of them. However, when her mother convinced her finally to come back home with the promise that they would tell her father everything and figure things out together, Tyler jumped on the opportunity. She loved Dylan so much, but she didn’t feel like either of them were in the position to make such heavy calls, and neither of them were ready to have a baby, that was for sure.

Telling her dad that she was pregnant went about as poorly as one might expect. Daniel was angry, notably so. It showed in the way that he yelled that night; telling Tyler what a disappointment she was, that she had ‘some nerve’ expecting some sort of support from them for something that was ‘entirely her own fault.’ There were things said about how she’d sinned, that she had gone against anything they had ever taught her. After that, her relationship with her father was distant, cold. What interactions they did have were exceedingly brief, and even what length they were, they weren’t particularly kind. Tyler was told not to come to church with them anymore - people at church inevitably found out about the pregnancy, but the way that her father put it “it was easier to avoid talking about if she wasn’t in everyone’s faces with it.”

Her mother was there for her through her pregnancy, despite being so against the whole thing in the first place. Dylan and his mom also were on top of getting her to appointments, helping take care of her, being there every step of the way through the pregnancy. Dylan did more attempting to convince Tyler that they should keep the baby, that they could do it because they loved each other. Ultimately, however, Tyler still gave their baby girl up for adoption.

After giving up their daughter, Dylan did his best to stand by Tyler, but Tyler could feel the distance between them - he wasn’t fully supportive of them giving the baby up, he thought that she was caving into her parent’s desires when he didn’t see them as right or fair. Ultimately, Dylan ended up ending their long-term relationship about a month after Tyler had given birth. Between the heavy - and admittedly unexpected - weight of having a child and giving her away, and the heartbreak of Dylan giving up on them after everything, Tyler became exceptionally depressed.

Going through the motions became just about all Tyler felt capable for a little while. She finished that school year in summer school, she started going back to church - because her father was back to acting as if nothing had even happened and she was actually his daughter once again - and she let her mother convince her that she should focus on ballet. Admittedly, Tyler held onto the smallest bit of hope that she could re-fall in love with ballet once again; she knew she had loved it so much when she was younger, she thought having that kind of positive feeling for it again might turn things around for herself.

Starting out with ballet again, it was a solid 50/50 in terms of the time that Tyler loved what she was doing, and the time that it came with heavy amounts of pressure from her mother. Once again, it became something that Tyler had to come to grips with: she wasn’t going to be given the option to just love being a part of ballet, getting to dance, her mother wasn’t going to let her have that, it was too serious for the woman. After the way that her teenage pregnancy had effected their family, though, Tyler didn’t have it in her to fight with the woman or cause anymore “rifts” in their home. So instead, she just pushed through, kept dancing.

At the end of that same summer, Daniel abruptly suggested that the family move out of state. There was a sister congregation to their church in Chicago and they were willing to give him a position in their ministry. He sold it to his wife and daughter as “a new beginning that they all needed” - something that Tyler still subconsciously holds resentment toward him for saying. Because what the hell had they gone through to need anything?

Moving to Chicago came with a big shift in Tyler’s persona. Essentially she gave a big middle finger to who she was - who her father in particular wanted her to be - and gave into a version of herself that felt like more like what she felt after the things that she had been through that year. She went from a sweet and cute and soft lady to something tougher, someone more blunt and confident. Someone darker, tougher. She stopped going to church which was a whole fight that she had to have with her dad after moving there, and since her relationship with the man has been nothing short of awful. Back to the minimal communication or whatever communication that there was between them being unpleasant, just as it had been when she’d been pregnant - if not worse because Daniel was angry with her for consciously making the choices she was.

Despite this notable switch and growth in her personality, one thing that Tyler did stick with was ballet. Not because it was something she really wanted to do, but because as long as she was doing it, it gave her something that kept her mom on her side. Living in a home with her angry and cold father was enough, she didn’t need for things to be any worse with her mother, too - even though the woman already made things difficult by putting the amount of pressure on the girl that she did. 

When Tyler graduated high school, Janine pushed her daughter to immediately go to auditions for ballet companies in Chicago, and even in a couple surrounding cities. When Tyler didn’t make the cut for any of the few ballet companies she had auditioned for, she knew that her mother was devastated - given all the projecting that she had been doing. It was more out of self preservation than actually feeling bad for her mom that kept Tyler continuing to dance ballet all the same. She went to a specialized school, even started co-teaching a couple of lower level classes during the week, if only so she wouldn’t have to hear how “after all the work they’d put in, she gave it all up, it amounted to nothing.” In reality, the girl has more resentment for the dance than anything at this point.

Year 20 came with Tyler finding out about the EHP at the Malnati, and given her less than great home circumstances, she jumped on applying. She had done a couple different serving jobs while going to dance classes still, so taking a waitress position in the fancy hotel’s restaurant fit things she was already familiar with. Leaving her mom and dad’s house was like letting out a gigantic breath she had been holding for all her life. Living in the Malnati gave her freedom to do what she wanted, when she wanted. It gave her freedom to be who she wanted without a fight, without judgment. She’s been working and living in the hotel for nearly two years now.

Something she did in her first year outside of her parent’s house was reach out to Dylan on Facebook for the first time in several years. The girl came to learn that Dylan was in contact with the couple that had adopted their daughter. He gave her the information for Rick and Shannon Carlson after asking the pair if it was just as alright for her to contact them. She now gets photos of her daughter - Sophia Marie Carlson - every now and again, usually around holidays or special occasions. She’s still yet to meet the child in person, given they live in Southern California still, but she has been given the opportunity to FaceTime with the couple and the little girl only a couple of times ( explaining that she is a friend of mommy and daddy’s, given the adoptive parents still want not to make things confusing )

personality / miscellaneous tidbits;;

Tyler was born at like 3:12 in the morning on Halloween the year that she was born and she has a running joke/theory that it was actually a curse and that’s why her life had been the mess that it’s been, and/or why certain bad things happen to her. “It’s the birthday curse, it’s fine.”

Has her septum pierced, she just either takes it out for ballet or tucks it up in her nose if she’s feeling ballsy about it.

She has a tiny ‘S.M.C.’ tattoo with an equally small heart beside it, on the inside of her right wrist; for her daughter. ( That being said, her teen pregnancy and her daughter isn’t really something she talks about openly, she’s gotta trust the person to see that like full side of her )

She’s got three, count em, three pet lizards; two bearded dragons named Jack and Sally, and a leopard gecko named Oogie. There’s a running theme there. Her room is like a lil reptile room with Jack and Sally sharing a cage and Oogie having his own - she’s serious about taking care of them, obviously.

Loves most things Tim Burton, in case her lizards being named after Nightmare Before Christmas characters didn’t give that away.

Would die for Brendon Urie and Hayley Williams, no question

Loves pop punk and general emo music; it’s something Dylan introduced her to and she kind of just fell in love with the whole style and the lyrics some of these bands wrote and stuff.

That being said, she’s a huge huge concert goer; big on shouldering her way to the front barricade at general admission shows, not afraid of being on someone else’s shoulders during things either, has definitely caught guitar picks and other such things thrown into crowds, she’s into it.

She’s a server, and has been for quite some time so she’s got customer horror stories for daaaays, probably has one of those #serverproblems tiktoks favorited and shit, because she hard retweets.

To be honest, she cares very little about what other people think at this point in her life. She spent the earlier part of her life in his little perfect cookie cutter daughter box, and then she derailed it on accident and her life has felt something like a mess since, so there’s not a lot that people can say to her that would like legitimately offend her.

On the other side of that coin is that she’s really not afraid to tell it like it is because she doesn’t particularly care if you like her adjflkajdfkl. If she thinks you’re annoying, she’ll tell you, etc. She’s also known to antagonize people who she doesn’t like just for the fuck of it, so. ...Sorry lmfao.

wanted connections;;

here’s another episode of me SUCKING AT THESE, EYYO

generally just like..... people who show her what an actual loving supportive family that doesn’t expect extremes from her would be great.

potentially someone that they hooked up like ONCE to get it out of their system and now they just antagonize each other and never let it die that they slept together when they’re picking on each other

server friends unite?? realistically works for bartenders, too, realistically lmao.

FRIGGIN CONCERT FRIENDS. GIVE THEM TO HER.

whoever's down to geek out about her lizards with her, that's the kind of friend vibe we fuck with

someone she genuinely doesn’t like and either doesn’t like her just as much for whatever reason, or maybe they keep trying to make her like them who knows

a person who asked her out on a legitimate date once and she laughed at them thinking they were fucking with her and now she can’t tell where they’re at because she won’t talk about it??? IDK BRO

somebody to help her explore the fact that she’s kind of bicurious?? got some shit to unpack there a little, though, so.

idk how it would happen, but this hard ass shell of hers has gotta be broken, she’s got so much shit repressed that she hasn’t opened up about - between shit with her parents to her pregnancy and heartbreak, and then some - and she’s not super great at trusting people on a deep enough level to let them in on all that and see that side of her so like again idk what would make this happen BUT !!!!!!! SURE.

honestly as always, i suck at this part, and i’m always open to just talk some shit out and work out some brainstormed ideas. so just hit ya girl kay up. or don’t. not your mom.

[blvirambrosio]

INTRODUCING… THE SAME GIRL BUT HAPPY, BLAIR AMBROSIO.

MAGIC IS IN THE WORDS YOU PUT ON PAPER.

born and raised in beaver creek, colorado blair has now spent twenty five long, beautiful years in the village. spending the majority of her days working as a freshmen english teacher, she lives a blissful life, and never wishes to leave.

name: blair ambrosio age: twenty-five( 25 ) career: english teacher, school newspaper sponsor. residence: 180 offerson rd. / courtyard house, two bed, two bath. spouse: roy van aston, husband, deceased. children: n/a, to be announced. pets: co-owner of a samoyed ( odin ) facts:

your typical english teacher super passionate about her students and what she teaches, the type of teacher that all the students love. adores working with her students and helping them become better writers and grow their interest in literature.

has definitely started writing her own novel but only her roommate knows that it’s in the works. she’ll either write at home after grading papers or go to a cafe in town and write there, hoping to draw inspiration from people around her..

her marriage was one of those where they dated for their senior year of high school and he proposed shortly after graduation. the two of them were married while they were 18, but when they were about 19/20 he passed away due to a work accident. 

really isn’t upset about it, she took her time to grieve her loss and is just thankful for what it’s taught her and how it’s made her a better writer.

now she’s enjoying being young and pretty and single, she’s not an unfamiliar face at some of the bars in town, but she promises it’s only on saturdays. girls just wanna have fun amiright? 

her family is the most painfully basic family, with her sister and herself being the light of their parents lives. the four of them still meet several times a month for dinner and regularly keep in contact as they live their individual lives within beaver creek.

has never cared to leave beaver creek, seeing as she can do everything she wants from right there, and it’s her home.

[ethospathoslogan]

okay so this is definitely me self-projecting but i haven’t been able to stop thinking about roman and logan as “””competing””” english teachers. like, i know it’s common to have logan as a science teacher and roman as the drama/choir teacher!!! which i love!!! but i also think the two would make great english teachers

they both teach 9th grade english, roman also teaches 10th grade english, and logan teaches 12th grade ap english literature

logan’s favorite books in his curriculum are the great gatsby and the lord of the flies. honestly, though, he gets frustrated teaching them because the curriculum and ap test make him hammer out “the green light is symbolic for what” and “who does simon represent” so much that his students can’t have fun with the books. so, after the ap exam, he hosts a game of “survivor” amongst his 12th graders where they all compete in teams and take on various challenges (scavenger hunt/jeopardy/riddles/etc) and, as students are “eliminated,” the final surviving student wins five points to their overall average and also logan buys them a lunch of their choosing

(my old high school did that but we didn’t do it in ap lit and im still sad abt that)

roman’s favorite thing to teach is anything shakespeare. he’s a sucker for romeo & juliet but he also loves twelfth night to no end. he casts his students as the characters and does his best to get them involved and interested in what they’re reading. when students are nervous about being seen as weird or dumb for getting into the plays, he’s like, “so what! have fun! who cares what others think!” also, at the completion of the plays, he shows the ‘90s r&j (yeah the one with leo) and she’s the man (im reading twelfth night now for college and i was amazed to find out that she’s the man is deadass twelfth night)

their classrooms are next to each other and every student of theirs Knows that shit is gonna go down each class period

like when both of their freshman classes were doing romeo & juliet and roman’s mercutio was absent the day he was supposed to do the queen mab monologue??? roman took over and. oh boy. logan had to shut his door bc “dammit roman you’re being too loud and my students are only on scene two of act one, you’re spoiling everything”

when roman teaches catcher in the rye to his 10th graders, roman makes so many slights at logan. “oh yeah, mr. sanders, what a phony, amiright, kids? don’t worry, i won’t tell him you agreed”

this makes his students think that he hates logan. when a student finally steps up and asks roman, roman’s like, “wait what? mr. sanders is my best friend. my ride or die. he bought me coffee this morning.”

during his seniors’ free periods, they typically come to logan’s class to have him proofread their college essays and other papers. roman typically waltses in (because, i must repeat, their classes are next to each other) and gets all nostalgic because he had a lot of logan’s seniors as former students.

“oh, valerie, terrence, leo! i had all of you and it felt like so long ago and-” “mr. prince, please, i am trying to read their essays.”

everyone expects logan to be the hard-ass and roman to be the super easy going teacher. this results in a lot of students being, at first, terrified of logan and ready to take advantage of roman.

and then they learn that logan is the teacher most likely to throw random bagel/pizza parties (he believes that it’s positive reinforcement) and roman is notorious for pop quizzes when his students don’t read (most of them end up not being counted, he just needs to put his foot down occasionally)

both of them are well respected teachers and their students typically come to both of them to talk about things. students like logan’s honesty and how he tries to realisitically assist his students in things going on in their lives. with roman, they like his optimism and how he encourages all his students to pursue their dreams.

(true story based on something that happened to my old english teacher) bet you thought that, because roman is an english teacher, he has no connection to theater, right? well, you thought wrong!!! roman is also the director of the school’s plays and musicals. during musical season, roman rallies some of his leads and ensemble members and crashes logan’s freshmen class with a performance. logan is shooting daggers at roman from his desk. the freshmen are entertained and also slightly terrified. roman is having the time of his life. the musical opens the next night.

to get revenge, logan sticky-notes roman’s entire classroom. roman’s desk, students’ desks, the bookcases, even the walls. every single thing in and on roman’s desk has been sticky-noted. no one ever finds out how logan had the time to do it in one night, nor where he got all the sticky notes from.

when roman found his classroom, he actually dropped his coffee. he waited in line at starbucks for ten minutes. he is going to kill logan.

anyone who has logan as a teacher is told that they need to try to get roman, and vice versa. students of both teachers can never choose a favorite.

they both go to graduation, even though roman hasn’t had many of those students for years. they both are extremely emotional.

logan is definitely the type of teacher to be like “in this classroom, we’re professional. you cannot have my twitter or my instagram or anything because i am your teacher and you are my student. and- oh, wait, you’re graduating right? oh shit then here take my number, here’s my snapchat and my twitter handle, retweet my pinned tweet.”

it is through this that logan’s graduating seniors discover that roman and logan have been engaged for eight months.

(patton, the 12th grade ap calculus and 9th grade geometry teacher, is logan’s best man. virgil who is either the art teacher or a history teacher i haven’t decided yet is roman’s.)

[letamreviews]

Top of 2019

With 56 films watched and 27 favorited in 2019, I composed a list of my top. By pure happenstance, the list is almost an exact third (18) of the total films watched. Be aware that I don’t have as much to say about some of these because I took no notes after.

Because I’d be biased towards them, I don’t count the National Theatre Live plays.

Since the list is likely to be altered between now and the end of February (to accommodate for films missed), check the Lettboxd list later on to see an up to date listing, but be aware that it intentionally lacks the details provided here.

EDIT (01/04/20):

Woke up this morning religiously re-reading this and caught some grammar errors. It’s almost like staying consistently well-rested is actually beneficial. While I’m at it, Blind Rating (BR) is how worthwhile the film is watching “blind” (or knowing nothing). The scale is 1 (worth it) to 5 (you must). ‘Eh is essentially a 0.5.

1. Midsommar (USA)

Saw the original and Director's Cut in theatres and discussed them with a group immediately after both times. I’m somewhere between really liking it and loving it. Still unsure. Hell of an experience with a lot to notice, debate over, and pick up on during the second viewing. Don’t even get me started on the Christian/Dani matter. Dat tension, tho. Blind Rating: 4/5

2. Us (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I’m digging the allegories and the way (I think) it reflects on society. Dem reveals, tho. Blind Rating: 4/5

3. Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. Two things probably play a huge hand in this not being atleast 3 spots lower: my demographic and the fact that her older self constantly reminded me of my grandma and a certain middle school teacher. Regardless, it’s an entertaining, interesting, and lively documentary with its many personalities on-screen all giving their take on matters along with Ms. Morrison herself. Glad they managed to finish and release this 1.25 months before her death. Blind Rating: 0/5

4. When They See Us (USA)

Saw on Netflix over the course of a month. Y’all, this one hurt too much to watch again any time soon. Admittedly, part of the reason why it hit me so hard is because I could easily have been one of them. Dat ending, tho. Don’t forget to watch the Oprah followup When They See Us Now after. You’ll ball (again). Blind Rating: 3/5

5. Parasite (South Korea)

Saw an advance screening in theatres and watched a live post-film Q&A. I really like it. This hit me in such a way that it’s one of three films I’m writing an essay on. Planing on watching it a second time soon so I can finish with a sense of accuracy. This isn’t one that I would recommend looking at images for. There are some that will spoil the experience of the second half. Seriously, block the “Parasite” tag from your feed if you can. Blind Rating: 3/5

6. Luce (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. This was is so~ good as a thriller and especially in regards to being Black in America. Wanted to watch it a second time but never managed to squeeze it in before it left theatres. Dem performances, tho. Dat tension, yo. Dat score, bro. Blind Rating: 1/5

7. Them That Follow (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with someone immediately after. I love it. Blind Rating: 1/5

A drama influenced thriller about a religious and somewhat self-isolating community that's effectively blanketing a realistic romance. (snip) —Letterboxd review

8. The Souvenir (United Kingdom)

Saw in theatres (partially because so many movie peeps were shitting on it). I love it, but I didn't fucking love it. Was tempted to see it again, but didn’t get the chance. Dat ending, tho. While it was a movie peep telling me the whole plot that caused me to gain so much interest in it [Cabin in the Woods (2011) all over again, amiright?], I must say that the less you know the better. It’ll make for... a more immersive experience. Blind Rating: 3/5

9. After the Wedding (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I thought I really liked it, but I love it. This was a trip down unexpected lane, le'me tell ya. The trailer is a spoilerful lie, but the Landmark's description is very accurate. People's experiences will have a heavy hand in how they react to it and feel about certain characters. The way they made this feel like a constant thriller was excellently done. Dat cinematography, tho. Go in knowing nothing more than what the previous link provides. Blind Rating: 1/5

10. Joker (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I really like it. Blind Rating: 1/5

(slight spoilers)

This was difficult to watch at times, but hella captivating throughout. Arthur's reasoning is believable, his sanity is questionable, and his life is indeed one hell of a joke. Like watching an extreme example of what happens when people on the lower end lose access to social programs. This can very easily be taken as a commentary on mental illness kept unchecked. More than that, it's a story about a guy who accepts his "crazy" and transcends poverty, circumstance, and societal bullshit... at everyone else's expense. (snip) —Letterboxd review

11. Miles Davis: Birth of the Cool (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with a group immediately after. I really like it. Captivating documentary in a very similar style to Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am, but with Mr. Davis never joining the “talking heads” (as people like to call it) and instead being heard as a constant narrator of his own biography. Regardless of how I feel about him on a personal level, this shit was a great watch and the ending hit hard. Still need to get his autobiography, though. There’s a nostalgic factor for me here since I was partially reminded of my grandpa while watching it. Blind Rating: 'eh

12. Queen & Slim (USA)

Saw in theatres and discussed with someone immediately after. Fuck yeah, I enjoyed this one. Dat soundtrack and cinematography, bruh? 👌🏿 The throwback soundtrack, main characters’ racial group, and fact that they went to New Orleans definitely play a hand in why this one’s not atleast 1 spot lower. Blind Rating: 1/5

13. Dwelling in the Fuchon Mountains (China)

Saw in theatres during festival and attended discussion days later. I really like it. Was long, but in a good way. Similar to Ash is Purest White (2018) in that I kept thinking "please end here," but would be glad it didn't later. It's beautifully slothy and has absurdly long tracking shots. The cinematography during walking conversations is notable. Dat trick, tho. Blind Rating: 'eh

14. A Girl Missing (Japan)

Saw in theatres during festival and discussed with a group immediately after. Bruh~, this is a hell of a personal trial. Didn’t expect it to go the places it did. Blind Rating: 1/5

15. Dutch Angle: Chas Gerretsen & Apocalypse Now (Netherlands)

Saw on MUBI on phone. I love it. This goes over his childhood (for 8 minutes), career paths, photography of 9/11/1973's Chilean coup d'etat, the 6 months he spent on-set photographing Apocalypse Now (1979), and him as a person. What I didn’t expect was how much he would get into the details of things happening during that film’s development. Along with those details are interesting photos presented excellently in a way that’s reminiscent of manga at times. I like the way the photos take center point and are treated like the foreground. It’s like the director and editor forced themselves to remain aware that the documentary was showcasing 15% of the total slides housed in the Nederlands Fotomuseum’s archives in Rotterdam and that most of his Apocalypse Now photos were never seen. Dat score, tho [Ex Machina (2014) vibes]. Blind Rating: 0/5

BTW, it had its official (Dutch national) release by EYE Filmmuseum on 12/19/19 in the Netherlands, so maybe it’ll come to the USA soon. 🤷🏿‍♂️ Forgot to mention it’s been added as a special feature to the 40th anniversary 4K blu-ray disc of Apocalypse Now: Final Cut (2019).

16. Receiver (Ireland)

Saw on MUBI on phone. I really like it. A very interesting short film in three odd segments. First was disturbing; second was about activism, protests, and politics; third was about the person I assume the film was made for. All compose what I took as a film about the importance of having reliable sound and hearing. Needs to be watched alone with good sound quality (for immersion). Blind Rating: 'eh

17. Bacurau (Brazil)

Saw in theatres during festival. I really like it. This was some Most Dangerous Game shit with a hell of an ending. The whole game is an allegory of civilized people's obsession with hunting wild animals for "sport". I really like the portrayal of history here and enjoyed the racial matters it lays bare. I can only imagine someone watching this without knowing a thing. Kinda wish I didn’t even read the description beforehand. Digging the soundtrack. Blind Rating: 1/5

18. Little Women (USA)

Saw on 35mm and discussed with others on separate occasions. I really like it. This was just warming and sad. I felt for the main characters and actually felt satisfied with the way it ended. Considering the type of film, there are handful of typical things for me to complain about. That being said, the movie earned its stars back. I mean, did you not see their attic performances? Shit was dope. Blind Rating: ‘eh